YHK - yet another hacker news clone

302 points rationalist 1 hour ago 102 comments

And for any mothers here, happy Mother's Day.

Bender 1 hour ago | parent

I'll have a drink in her memory.

rationalist 1 hour ago | parent

I'm sorry for your loss.

coalstartprob 49 minutes ago | parent

cheers mate

user_7832 18 minutes ago | parent

Sorry, but seeing your comment being called dead by HN was... amusing.

(I personally think it's okay to be amused, even if it's thanks to dead people. I don't think any mother would really mind too much.)

vishnukool 1 hour ago | parent

Respect. It's a good day to remember the impact they had even if they are no longer around to pick up the phone. Btw calling her now.

croisillon 1 hour ago | parent

(in the US)

bobnarizes 1 hour ago | parent

(+ Germany and Mexico)

stackghost 1 hour ago | parent

(And Canada)

CamouflagedKiwi 1 hour ago | parent

(and New Zealand)

keraf 1 hour ago | parent

And a bunch of other countries like Switzerland, Tanzania, Belgium, India, Greece, Hong Kong, etc. [0]

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day#Dates_around_th...

danjovich 1 hour ago | parent

(and Brazil)

lxxpxlxxxx 1 hour ago | parent

(And Venezuela)

Imustaskforhelp 1 hour ago | parent

(and India)

sgt 1 hour ago | parent

(and South Africa)

spikepuppet 51 minutes ago | parent

(and Australia)

woutgaze 45 minutes ago | parent

(and The Netherlands)

smt88 39 minutes ago | parent

And China, India, and many other large countries. Most of the world (by population) celebrates it today.

egeozcan 30 minutes ago | parent

(and Turkey)

testfrequency 24 minutes ago | parent

Which is what HN is bias towards clearly

alex7o 1 hour ago | parent

How is it mother day isn't that 8 march

taubek 1 hour ago | parent

March 8th is International Women's Day (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Women%27s_Day).

Mother’s Day is different from country to country (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day)

nottorp 1 hour ago | parent

Apparently, according to wikipedia, we have a "mother's day" in the first sunday in may. I've seen nothing in the news about it and wasn't aware of its existence.

8 March was an entirely different animal...

Swizec 1 hour ago | parent

March 8 is international women’s day. The most ignored of all holidays by US culture. To an almost hilarious degree.

My partner frequently brags that she’s the only of her friends and coworkers, in 10+ years, who has ever gotten flowers for women’s day. Meanwhile even Uber drivers have wished her a happy women’s day in various heavy foreign accents.

xyzelement 1 hour ago | parent

// My partner frequently brags

March 8th is for the partners, mother's day is for the wives :)

Just kidding but couldn't resist.

throwaway27727 1 hour ago | parent

International men's day isn't a thing in the US either, so that's not surprising. Contrast to Mother's/Father's Day, which are.

drfloyd51 1 hour ago | parent

I feel some editorializing going on.

Here[0] is a list of many holidays that are ignored more than international women’s day.

Happy International Day of Plant Health to you!

0: https://www.un.org/en/observances/list-days-weeks

halb 37 minutes ago | parent

international day of plant health is on may 12, not today!

ipaddr 57 minutes ago | parent

November 19 is international men's day. How many times have you gotten flowers on that day? Or Uber drivers wishing you a happy men's day?

avycado13 55 minutes ago | parent

lol. why arent we celebrated more

catlikesshrimp 31 minutes ago | parent

The joke goes as following: Women are celebrated once a year... because men have the rest of the days.

dyauspitr 46 minutes ago | parent

I wouldn’t say that. I don’t believe a men’s day even exists.

einpoklum 37 minutes ago | parent

Like May 1st which is snubbed in favor of (non-organized?) Labor Day, and, well, the metric system which has somehow still not been adopted in the US...

locallost 24 minutes ago | parent

Flowers for women's day is another ultimately weird tradition in many countries. Weird because the point of women's day is equality and not to be treated like our little special ladies. I always half jokingly said a more suitable gift would be a mini wrench or a screwdriver.

malfist 1 hour ago | parent

She despises me for being gay. Not a chance I'm calling her.

rationalist 1 hour ago | parent

I'm sorry :-(

twiclo 1 hour ago | parent

You should call her

Zambyte 1 hour ago | parent

... why?

llbbdd 1 hour ago | parent

Lol. Call her and put on a heavy lisp

rationalist 1 hour ago | parent

I contemplating writing a reply suggesting maybe a text or email instead, but I don't know enough about OP's situation so I don't think it's appropriate to give any advice that they didn't ask for.

mr-wendel 45 minutes ago | parent

Hard disagree.

Maybe there is a time for difficult outreach, but recommending someone to celebrate a person (and one of the most significant people in their life) whose primary emotion is disgust in response to unchosen personal attributes is remarkably insensitive. No need to salt those wounds.

Let's hope things get better for anyone in this circumstance, but IMO it is the parent's job to make an attempt.

--

Nobody wants to or tries to be this kind of person, so here is my shout out today to the moms who DID find a way to work through the challenge of accepting a child whose sexuality, spirituality, politics, etc. are different than they hoped for.

tombert 37 minutes ago | parent

I don't mean to be a douche, but that's an exceedingly ignorant and short-sighted statement. A child doesn't owe their parents anything. If your parent is upset about something about you that you cannot change, then that parent can rightfully go fuck themselves.

Kids don't owe their parents anything.

signatoremo 28 minutes ago | parent

Kids own their parents their very presence.

Each person has their own situation so it isn't my place to give specific advice, but each and everyone should pause for a moment on this day, be thankful that they are alive, and consider to do the right thing that they wouldn't regret if they don't do it. Even if you wouldn't call your parents.

rationalist 22 minutes ago | parent

Do they really owe that?

I think owing something should be contractual - they consent to owe something in a fair exchange.

A person does not consent to being born.

If someone treats you properly (raises you at least somewhat decently), you don't owe them anything, but you should feel an obligation to thank that person whether it's by saying thank you, or helping them later in their life when they need help.

tombert 16 minutes ago | parent

No one asked to be born. People are only born because their parents brought them into existence.

pixel_popping 21 minutes ago | parent

I disagree a bit somehow with the statement as it's a bit too generic, in my perspective, I do owe my parents care when they get older (I don't care about laws, talking about morality), I wouldn't send them in a home waiting for them to die, they'll live with me and my wife until they die, I understand that many might disagree with this, and it's fair if you had shit parents, but if you had parents that genuinely cared and done everything for you, I believe you want to also be fair for the sacrifice they've done and take care of them when they are too old to take care of themselves (or if 1 of them die, luckily I have both of my parents still!).

Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.

tombert 13 minutes ago | parent

You might feel an obligation, but you don't "owe" them anything.

It's pedantic but there's a subtle difference. Doing something for someone because you're grateful for them is fine. I like my parents, I might take care of them when they get older, but I'm doing that because I like them.

> Can you really consider yourself a good kid if you just let them die in a center? In my eyes, no.

Ironically, I think this is too generic. What if your parents were physically or sexually abusive? This isn't hypothetical, there are millions of children that live that reality. Are they "bad kids" because they don't want to help them when they're older?

pixel_popping 1 minute ago | parent

Yeah I've put a specific "clause" for shitty parents, shitty parents deserve no support in the end (imo).

My main argument is really that in the West, we are going too far away from the grateful mentality and it's scary and even absurd to see the number of parents that die alone (I'm talking about good parents), I find it sad and immoral in many scenarios.

I use the word owe because it's a moral code thing, the same way as I owe my wife & children lifetime promises and support (but not obligated right?), it's not something really negotiable in my head and I don't really intend to change it.

sgt 1 hour ago | parent

Give her a call regardless. Perhaps that's the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.

Trasmatta 38 minutes ago | parent

Bad advice when you don't know the situation. It's never a child's job to fix an abusive parent.

bossyTeacher 28 minutes ago | parent

> the first step to letting it sink in for her that you actually care about her.

You clearly didn't read properly. It's the mom the one who doesn't care about her child. Calling her isn't going to change anything.

rationalist 26 minutes ago | parent

Despising someone for something doesn't automatically mean that person doesn't care about someone.

Calling might not change anything, but that doesn't mean that change couldn't happen another way.

RF_Enthusiast 52 minutes ago | parent

Not all moms are good people. People with good moms often have trouble understanding or respecting that.

dyauspitr 41 minutes ago | parent

Every parent in Asia would despise their son if they were gay. That does not make them bad parents.

squigz 40 minutes ago | parent

Yes it does.

Trasmatta 39 minutes ago | parent

This is patently and absurdly false.

smt88 38 minutes ago | parent

Hating your child for the genes you gave them absolutely makes you a bad parent.

pixel_popping 29 minutes ago | parent

Literally it does, "culture" is an excuse to hide some shitty behavior sometimes, many aspects of many culture are pure trash and must change. (I live in Asia).

Child marriage is an example, very few will argue that it doesn't make them bad parents for selling their children, but it's completely alright in many cultures, nope, garbage culture.

And what you say about every parents in Asia is utter-nonsense btw and it's not the reality, you clearly don't understand a word of what you are writing.

bassrattle 49 minutes ago | parent

She can hate the things you do and still love who you are. Shining your light where it's cold and dark is the only way to make the darkness go away. Hope this helps

tombert 39 minutes ago | parent

My mom is fine, but my grandmother has said exceedingly racist things to my wife and homophobic things to my sister. I haven't talked to her in years and I suspect I will not for the rest of her life.

People act like I am a douche for this, but at this point I really see three options here. A) I roll my eyes and let her spew her stupid racist bullshit and move on, B) I push back, start an argument, and really upset my mother (whom I do like), or C) drop contact with her. C seems like the least-bad option.

Kids owe their parents nothing. Not a single person on this planet asked to be born. If a parent (or grandparent) does something bad, the onus is not on the child to make things "right".

People act like you have to love your family no matter what, but I think that's pretty naive. If literally anyone I didn't share DNA with said something racist about my wife then no one would give me shit for not talking to them, but suddenly because I'm related to them I just have to let this bullshit slide? Fuck that bullshit.

chipgap98 1 hour ago | parent

Happy Mothers Day to all the moms on HN

nsbk 1 hour ago | parent

And Latvia

late_night_fix 1 hour ago | parent

Appreciate the reminder,small post,big impact.Happy Mother's day to all moms here.

amunozo 1 hour ago | parent

Is it always May 10 in the countries where it's now? In Spain is the first Sunday of the month.

pjmlp 1 hour ago | parent

Like in Portugal, I guess it is an Iberian thing.

unclad5968 51 minutes ago | parent

Second Sunday of May in the US

dyauspitr 47 minutes ago | parent

Why do they do this? Why not just have a fixed date for these things? Is it so people can use the weekend to celebrate?

Moto7451 44 minutes ago | parent

Yes

jolmg 37 minutes ago | parent

For Mother's Day, possibly, but it's not always the case. Thanksgiving is on the 4th Thursday of November.

lostlogin 10 minutes ago | parent

If it was a fixed day it would end up being a week day a lot of the time.

Maybe that doesn’t matter, but it’s nice to have on a weekend.

Maybe I’m missing what you mean?

jacekm 45 minutes ago | parent

In Poland it's on 26th of May.

xyzelement 1 hour ago | parent

Before I got married and had kids I thought it was a dumb Hallmark holiday.

Now I think it's really significant and important to have an official day dedicated to recognize all the moms out there.

Happy mother's day to all the moms out there. And all the guys that made them moms :)

pjmlp 1 hour ago | parent

Not everywhere, in Portugal it is the first May's Sunday.

codeulike 1 hour ago | parent

Unless you're in the UK in which case it was the 15th March and you've already done it (or already missed it)

pmg101 1 hour ago | parent

Fourth Sunday in Lent or something, very easy to forget it!

beardyw 47 minutes ago | parent

Yes, it pre-dates the gift card (and gift) industry. I seem to recall being told it was to allow servants to go home to see their mothers. See how vaguely I framed that.

pluc 51 minutes ago | parent

Yeah I learned that today! I wonder what's the reason behind the difference.

nickt 35 minutes ago | parent

In the UK (and a few other places) it’s “Mothering Sunday”, the day you honour the church where you were baptised, or your mother church.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday

nip 51 minutes ago | parent

And if you’re French, don’t worry, you didn’t miss it.

It’s the 31st of May

user_7832 21 minutes ago | parent

Or you're in any timezone significantly ahead of the US (so like over 40% of the world's population). It's already 11.35pm here in India, and most moms (and reasonable adults) are already asleep. China/SE Asia/Jp etc are even further ahead.

Better luck next year... I guess?

chatmasta 6 minutes ago | parent

If you’re American living in the UK you get double the number of weekends freaking out thinking you missed it. Those signs go up in February…

david-gpu 1 hour ago | parent

I am happy for all those who celebrate.

Quick reminder that not all mothers are good people that we must keep in touch with. For people recovering from a rough childhood, here are a couple of resources that may be useful to you:

1. "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Gibson.

2. https://old.reddit.com/r/AdultChildren+CPTSD+raisedbynarciss...

Trasmatta 40 minutes ago | parent

Thank you for the acknowledgement of this. Mother's Day can be intensely painful for people who had or have abusive or neglectful mothers. I think this should be acknowledged before the blanket advice of "call your mom" is given.

livinglist 33 minutes ago | parent

I grew up in a toxic household (my mom cheated when I was two, my stepfather was very abusive towards my mom, and my mom was always condescending and materialistic and kept using me to get money from my birth father, my birth father has depression and I just never felt any love from him), and I now barely keep in touch with both my parents, the first one hit home.

jsdfasds 32 minutes ago | parent

Yep. My parents went to prison for child abuse.

kstrauser 1 hour ago | parent

This is the first year when I can’t do that.

Please go do it on my behalf, while it’s possible.

AnimalMuppet 53 minutes ago | parent

My second. Most of the time it's fine, but... today it hit me. I don't have a mother anymore.

So, yeah. Call while you can.

highwaylights 51 minutes ago | parent

Coming up on 3 years here. I felt this. Can also confirm this is based advice.

thenipper 32 minutes ago | parent

Same here. I’m sorry for your loss and may her memory be a blessing.

If you need someone to talk to I’m here.

Beestie 28 minutes ago | parent

it gets easier but not by much. I wouldn't have it any other way. Been 15 years and I don't want to ever forget. My Mom is showing your Mom around and they are trading stories of what brats we were :-)

Imustaskforhelp 1 hour ago | parent

I have just come to HN from I was actually helping my mother in pressing legs as her legs sometimes hurt from pain :-(

Gonna go help my mom again in massaging her legs, Okay shes asking me to help now, bye!

muzmich 49 minutes ago | parent

thx, I almost missed it

mastabadtomm 41 minutes ago | parent

I lost my father last year because of complications from severe Alzheimer's. When I saw this, I thought my mother is still with us, and I need to be grateful for that. I love you mum!

chcardoz 37 minutes ago | parent

Happy mother's day to any mothers here!

rglover 37 minutes ago | parent

Lost my mom 17 years ago. Don't be a chump; one day she won't be here and you will miss her in ways you never could have imagined.

issoms7 35 minutes ago | parent

"I don't have mother" That's why I came to hear

bradlys 26 minutes ago | parent

HN’s demo is quite old. It’s likely most here are married with kids or have a dead mother.

The days of a young Silicon Valley are long gone.

anilakar 25 minutes ago | parent

When my mom remarried, her new husband started to manipulate her and isolate her from other relatives, trying to turn everyone against each other. The last time I met her, I was basically talking to two copies of him.

I've already dealt with the fact that I will not get my mom back.

bdangubic 25 minutes ago | parent

Call your Mom every day, even for a minute